When surrendering leads to uncertainty

I’m in such a weird place in my life. There’s a lot of uncertainty that’s surrounding me that I have no idea what to do, or which way to go. I’ve basically been here for the past four months or so, and with each day, I feel more and more uncertain about things.

I’ll be honest and say I think I know where this feeling is coming from. You see, just like everybody else, I had many plans for my life when I was younger. I’m now 30 years old and my life looks nothing like I imagined. I had this idea that by now I’d be married with children and live in a mansion. Please, laugh with me! I also thought I’d be a lot further in my career by now. I even entertained the idea of teaching English abroad (I did the course and everything). Unfortunately, as things stand, I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be. My plans have not quite gone the way I had imagined.

God is in control

I won’t lie and say it’s been easy to let go of what I had in mind. It hasn’t. It has taken me a couple of therapy sessions and some prayer to get to a space where I’m okay with where I am. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be in this space, especially because I truly believe that God is in control of everything that happens in my life. How do I know for sure that God is in control?

Well, at the beginning of this year I surrendered everything to Him. I asked Him to take all my dreams, plans, goals, desires and give me the things that He wants for me. I vowed to pursue whatever purpose He has for me and to follow His guidance and direction. And most importantly, I’m making it my mission to pursue Him and only Him.

I am where I need to be

As nice as this might sound, it’s not entirely easy to let go of the life I had in mind. It hasn’t been easy to let and let God. But the beautiful thing in all of this is that I am seeing the hand of God in so many ways. When you let go of your ways and pursue Him (and His ways) you will end up exactly where you’re supposed to be. This is what I’m learning and seeing in my life right now. Despite all the uncertainty I’ve mentioned, I know that I am where I need to be.

Going back to the marriage part, I honestly don’t think I would have been ready to marry anyone in the last couple of years. There was a lot of healing and growing that needed to be done in my life (the work never stops, by the way). I had to heal from past traumas and pain, grow closer to God, learn what love really is and love myself unconditionally. I’ve noticed that we tend to expect these things from other people, instead of looking within ourselves. You truly cannot expect another person to heal you or to love you if you can’t even love yourself.

Celebrate how far you have come

Whenever you find yourself in a place of uncertainty and worrying about the future, just look at the progress you’ve already made in your life. It’s important to acknowledge and celebrate how far you have come. You might not be where you thought you’d be, but you’re exactly where you meant to be, with everything you need for where you are. Just relax!

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash