I love travelling because it gives me something to look forward to. I have days when I feel like my whole world is crashing, falling apart and like there’s no way out.
You see, this is what living with depression (sometimes) looks and feels like for me. It can be very dark, sad and lonely. And sometimes, it can feel like there really is no point of living. Even though I have all these dreams, goals and plans, I often catch myself wondering if all the hard work is really worth it at the end. Will it even make a difference? Does it even matter?
I love planning trips
When these thoughts flood my mind I tend to feel like running away. I won’t lie, it’s not nice to feel like your life is not worth it. I can’t run away, of course (even though I wish I could sometimes). And because I can’t just up and leave, I have to find another way to deal with these feelings and emotions. I’ve noticed that what works for me (besides God and therapy) is planning a trip.
I’ve often heard people saying that they live for their children, spouses or even pets and I have neither of these things, by the way. Yes, I do have a family that loves me, but I guess sometimes I wish I had my own little family. So, what calms me down and gives me a sense of “I want to live” is booking a trip and having something to look forward to. Besides the purpose that I believe God has for my life, travelling is really something that keeps me excited, alive and with something to look forward.
I am intentional about being present
Just so we’re clear, my goal in life is not to always have something to look forward to, a happiness that’s available for me in the distant future – I’m at a place where I am intentional about being present. I constantly try to be mindful and have even started practicing gratitude, which has helped me immensely when it comes to realising that I already have everything that I need in my life.
However, travelling really does help me in those moments where I feel like I won’t be able to make it to another day. Knowing that I have a trip coming up in a few weeks or months gives me something to be excited about, especially when I can’t see past the pain or whatever dark situation I’m in.
Besides that “deep” reason, what I also love about travelling is the fact that it gives me a chance to be present. I realised this on my last trip a few months ago. We tend to focus so much on what we don’t have that we don’t realise how blessed we already are. It’s amazing how much awareness comes with being in a foreign land, how much awake you suddenly become, and how grateful you are for everything you have. It’s a feeling I can never really put into words.
Oh, and I’m planning another trip as I type this.