The last couple of months have been rather weird. I don’t even know how to explain it. All I can say is that things have been very weird and uncomfortable at times. I remember sometime in June I felt as if everything was getting too much for me. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by a lot of things, including people and social media. I don’t know how to explain the feeling, but the more it grew, the more it demanded my attention. Something was definitely off and there was no balance. There was definitely some sort of misalignment.
One of the things I noticed is that I started realising that I was giving so much of myself to others, whether it was advice, time, listening, or whatever was required from me. Don’t get me wrong, I really love being there for the people in my life. I make time to be present, to listen, to comfort and do what is needed from me at the time.
Taking a break
However, there just came a point where I felt like I was doing all this giving and it wasn’t really coming back to me. I don’t know if you’ve ever found yourself in a space where you gave so much that you started feeling depleted. It’s a weird and emotionally draining feeling.
After making that realisation, I decided to take a break from people and that meant removing myself from social media (WhatsApp included). For some reason I felt compelled to take time away from everything and turn off the “noise”. I now realise that that was the best decision I could have made for myself as it gave me a lot of time to be alone and reflect on a lot of things.
Reconnecting with myself and God
While the break helped me to reconnect with myself, it is also very important to note that the biggest thing that has come out of this “break” is the fact that I also got to reconnect with God in a big way. I didn’t just leave social media because I was running away from people, it was also because I had started feeling as though I couldn’t hear God’s voice. There was a lot noise around me — people’s opinions, certain websites and social media, especially Twitter — and I could no longer take it. It’s so strange that everything just felt like it was too much for me.
Let me just add that I stopped watching or following the news a while ago. I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but I really feel like the news’ main purpose is to instil fear and anxiety in people. I get that we “need” to know what’s happening in the world, but most of the time these updates live people unsettled. Maybe it’s just me.
Anyway, I’ve noticed that when you take time to reflect and reconnect with yourself you gain so much more. I made it a point to just be still, to pray more, to listen more, to pay more attention to my life and what it is/was saying to me, to be more intentional, to show gratitude, to take care or my emotional and mental health and to love myself more. This has led to me a place where I can give more to others now without feeling depleted. I have more than enough to give because my giving comes from a place of overflow, a place of “more than enough”. I can now give (again) to others and still leave a lot for myself (if that makes sense). It really is one of the best feelings in the world.
It really is a different feeling when you read the bible and actually relate to a scripture in a deep way. So, I’m not just quoting Psalm 23, but I’m actually living it. I love nothing more than resonating with something, realising that these verses we love so much are not just words, but they’re a way of life. My cup truly does run over and I am grateful.