This has been one of the most eye-opening years of my life. Things have gone very well on one hand, and a bit shaky and confusing on the other one. The good times, which include turning 30 and going on my very first trip to Europe, have filled me with so much joy and gratitude. They have reminded me about God’s love and nature – He wants nothing but the best for me and always keeps His promises, no matter how out of reach they might seem.
Going to Europe was an emotional moment for me because I’ve always wanted to do this for myself. When I finally managed to do the trip (alone), I was so overwhelmed and was reminded of God’s goodness. I mean, this is something I’ve wanted to do for as long as I can remember, and to finally pull it off was unbelievable.
Dreams come true
I couldn’t help but cry after landing in Dubai for the connecting flight. It was such a surreal moment, one that I will never forget. Tears came streaming down my face when I was in Florence, Italy, because I kept feeling like it was all a dream. Oh, did I mention the emotional mess I was when I got to see snow for the first time in Lucerne, Switzerland? Don’t get me started on the tears I shed when it hit me that I had finally seen Paris!
It’s amazing how God works. We pray and ask Him to do things for us, to heal us, to make us whole again, and when He comes through, He does it in a very big way. I’ve realised that all my answered prayers have left me in awe. These prayers range from asking God to help me find a place to stay, to telling Him about my brokenness and asking for healing.
All things work together for good
Today, as I type this, I realise that the past few years – as dark as they were for me – were probably the most important years of my life. I got a chance to be alone with God, to learn to depend on Him and to know Him in a very intimate way. I learned to be still and know that He is God and that He is and has everything I will ever need in my life. I won’t pretend like it has been an easy journey because it hasn’t. There have been so many times when I just wanted to run away from it all, to not feel the pain, to not have to deal with the loneliness, to just be “normal”.
But I’ve realised the importance of everything I’ve had to go through and deal with because I sit here, on the other side, and can’t help but marvel at how good God is. It warms my heart to know that I have a Father who loves me unconditionally and has good plans for my life. He knows about all my ups and downs, and doesn’t need me to be perfect in order to bless me.
I am in awe…
He’s blessed me in a way that I will probably never fully understand. While it’s the norm to celebrate the external blessings, I can confidently say that I appreciate the work He’s done on the inside of me more than anything else. For me, it’s the things that no one will ever see that matter the most. I’ve learned to love more, to be more compassionate and understanding, to listen better, to be more confident, to be more open, to trust myself more, to be kinder to myself, etc.
It brings me so much peace to see the woman I have become. I’m a 30-year-old who’s aware of how much love and light is within her. I am filled with gratitude and so much awe. I cannot believe that this is the same woman who, five years ago, didn’t think she had much to live for. And now, I’m in a place where I’m excited about all the prayers God is yet to answer. Yes, even the ones that seem out of reach! It shall surely come to pass.