I’ve been struggling with anxiety for the past couple of months. Not the kind that triggers depression and makes me cry all over the place. It hasn’t been that crippling, but it has had an impact on me. I’ve been feeling uncomfortable and restless and for some reason I haven’t been able to shake those feelings off.
Now that I’m actually writing about this, I’m realising that the cause of my distress comes from taking my eyes off of God. You know when they tell you that “if you feel distant from God, He hasn’t moved but you have”? I think this is why I’ve been struggling in the last few months; I’ve been focusing too much on the wrong things instead of fixing my eyes on God, my Anchor.
Moving my focus from Him has invited all kinds of negative things into my space. The anxiety I’ve been experiencing has been brought by thoughts that creep up on me unexpectedly. It’s thoughts about where I should be in life by now, what I should have achieved at this point, unfulfilled dreams and just about every disappointment and heartbreak I’ve experienced so far. I have been in a barren season for a while and I sometimes find myself wallowing in that. It’s almost as if I’m being forced to feel sorry for myself and give up because of the cards life has dealt me.
I’m aware of the fact that I really haven’t been my best lately, but I refuse to let the negative chatter get the best of me. While my mind wreaks havoc at the most unexpected times, I find comfort in the fact that I always have Jesus by my side. This reminder came to me today while listening to one of my favourite songs, Peace by Hillsong Young & Free.
You will stay true, even when my lies come. Your word remains truth, even when my thoughts don’t line up. I will stand tall on each promise you make… There’s a peace far beyond all understanding, may it ever set my heart at ease. Dare anxiety come, I’ll remember that peace is a promise You keep.
Fixing my eyes on Jesus
I’ve had the song on repeat for the most part of the day and it’s really speaking to me. It’s reminding me that God is the keeper of peace. It doesn’t matter what happens or where I find myself, He remains true to His promise. Even in my restlessness and discomfort, I can rely on my heavenly Father who brings peace –not just any peace, but the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. In His presence, anxiety has no choice by to bow.
Going forward, my intention is to fix my eyes on Jesus. I want to stand tall on all His promises for me, despite currently being in a place where my reality isn’t lining up with what He has promised. I know that He doesn’t work on my schedule but He’s always on time.