I’ve always known that there’s a God. I come from a family of believers; my late grandfather was a preacher. He’s the first person who introduced me to God and the power of prayer. I never quite got it as a child, but I understood that prayer was/ is a big part of our lives. We prayed before eating, before going to bed and before taking a road trip.
My grandfather had a beautiful relationship with God. He didn’t just pray and preach at church, but he also spent a great deal of time reading the word and connecting with God at home. As a young person I didn’t quite understand that level of intimacy with the Lord, but I truly admired it.
My first encounter with God
Although I went to church every other Sunday and called myself a Christian, I never really had a relationship with God. I’d go to church, sing and pray and then go back home. However, things changed when I was raped in 2013. That’s when I had my first encounter with God — right in the middle of the most traumatic experience of my life. While this horrible thing was happening to me, I heard the voice of God repeatedly saying: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
This sounded odd to me because I had never really been one to quote bible scriptures. It had to be God because these words came just as I was praying and asking Him to spare my life. Yes, I prayed because it was the only thing I could do at that time. No amount of screaming and fighting could have saved me from that ordeal because that guy was stronger than me and he threatened to kill me. I knew he wasn’t joking because I was running out of breath while he was strangling me.
Although I hadn’t developed a relationship with God at the time, I was reminded of the many times I prayed with my family. You see, even when I had a nightmare I would simply go to my grandparents’ bedroom to tell them about the dream. Without asking a lot of questions, my grandfather would get out of bed and we would start praying.
I’m reminded of God’s goodness
I don’t even know why I started writing this post, but I guess it is meant to remind me of the importance of prayer. I’ve been struggling emotionally and spiritually in the last few weeks and I’d sometimes even go to bed without communicating with God. It’s not because I don’t trust or believe in Him anymore, it’s just that I’ve found myself in limbo. There are many situations that I don’t understand in my life currently and I’ve been asking a lot of questions. Unfortunately, I haven’t received answers to some of those questions.
This has led to frustration, anxiety, resentment, anger and just about every other negative feeling. I’ve been trying so hard to get out of this rut and today, for the first time in a while, I feel like I’m making progress. Right now I’m reminded of God’s goodness and everything that He has brought me through. I’m reminded about the countless times I hit rock bottom, alone and hopeless and the only way out for me was prayer.
I can never forget the many times that I would kneel down and start speaking to God telling Him everything that was in my heart. I really felt His during those weak and low moments. He was always there in the room with me reminding me that He would never leave nor forsake me. Today hasn’t been the easiest day emotionally. I have a situation that I’ve been trying to work through in the last couple of years.
Learning to be kinder to myself
I know I’ve made a lot of progress regarding the situation but it seems I haven’t truly healed from it. So, today I found myself right back in it and I must say I am proud of the way I handled things this time around. Healing really is a process and I constantly need to remember to be kinder to myself and more gentle as I go through the different layers of healing.
One thing I know for sure is that God is right here with me. Although I cannot see Him, I can certainly feel His presence.
I know life can get tough and overwhelming and there are times when you can’t even say a prayer. If you’re going through something painful right now, remember that God will never leave nor forsake you. His strength is made perfect in weakness. You will get through this.
You are in my prayers.